How to Piss Off a Liberal

A short list of ideas I've gathered from bumper stickers, t-shirts, signs, etc. (as well as a few of my own thoughts) - for adding to the enjoyment of discussing politics with liberals. Email me (batsrightthrowsright at gmail) or post anything you'd like to add to the list. I plan to update the list on occasion.

When asked at the grocery store if you want paper or plastic, answer "I'll take both."

Begin every sentence with, "According to Rush Limbaugh..."

Make clubs from a tree cut down in an old growth forest. Use the clubs to kill baby seals, and then burn the clubs in your fire pit as you cook up some yummy seal steaks.

Use facts and logic.

Pass out copies of Article II of the U.S. Constitution, highlighting this part:
No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President;

Tell them, "You know I like liberals, I just have a problem with the 99% that give the rest of them a bad name."

Present your conceal-carry permit as ID when attending a local Democratic caucus.

Insist that Watergate was a vast left-wing conspiracy.

Hold your hands up to make quote/unquote finger gestures, while explaining that the reason a "typical white person" is "bitter" and "clings to his guns and religion", is because liberals want to take away both.

Attend a town hall meeting and ask questions about ObamaCare.

Make the analogy, if Republicans are "Astroturfers", then Democrats rely on indoor/outdoor carpeting paid for by the likes of George Soros.

Put a "Cars don't run on stupidity!" sticker on your bumper.

Support Israel.

Put up a large outdoor display of Christmas lights from Thanksgiving until New Years Day. Power the lights with a diesel generator.

Agree that same-sex marriage is a right ... in France.

Ask if Obama's teleprompter runs on solar or wind power.

Using your best Elmer Fudd voice, repeat the words of Barney Frank: "These two entities—Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac — are not facing any kind of financial crisis."

Home school your children.

Brag about the size of your carbon footprint.

Wear a t-shirt that says, "I support the troops and the war."

Water your lawn.

Pose this question: "Exactly where in the Bill of Rights does it mention health care."

Always use the phrase "twice impeached" when discussing Bill Clinton.

Introduce your wife/husband as your opposite-sex spouse.

Emphasize the point that Democrats have controlled both houses of Congress since January of 2007.

Remind them that Reagan won the cold war.

At Halloween, ask the trick-or-treaters if they are Republicans or Democrats. If they say Democrat, tell them they have to give half of their candy to Obama.

Whenever the weather is cooler than normal, ask: "where is all this global warming they keep talking about."

Show up at a PBS fundraiser wearing a t-shirt with "ACORN-Ayers-Annenberg" posted on the front - "Axis of Evil" on the back.

Or, Show up at a PBS fundraiser wearing a t-shirt with "Obama-Pelosi-Reid" posted on the front - "Axis of Evil" on the back.

Have a baby in wedlock.

Tell them how tired you are of all the liberals on Fox News.

When they bring up the poor gas mileage your SUV gets, tell them it's more fuel efficient than Pelosi's Gulf Stream.


Invite them to a gun show.

Ask how many of the 19 hijackers were Christians.

Talk about the brilliance of Condoleeza Rice.

Ask them to clarify: "So you're for abortion, but against killing terrorists?"

When they start praising Obama, tell them to stop bloviating.

Test their knowledge of John Kerry: "Was he for the war before he was against it, or is it the other way around?"

Act surprised when you see them put out their recycling: "What's that all that stuff?"

Start a campaign to draft a Palin/Bachmann ticket for President.

Call the Democratic Party "sexist" for not endorsing Hillary.

Ask them if Congress will be included under ObamaCare.

Point out that God doesn't have term limits.

Regarding Proposition 8: "Wow! Even California doesn't support San Francisco values!"

Hold up a newspaper and say: "Did you see Obama's latest poll numbers?"

Refute all liberal talking points with, "not according to the bible".

Finish each statement with, "The Republican National Committee is responsible for the contents of this message."

Enter a neighborhood art fair, show off the photos you took during various hunting trips.

Cite "statistics" showing welfare is the fastest growing career choice among Democrats.

Bumper Sticker: "My child is on the honor roll because I chose not to abort him."

Refer to John Forbes Kerry as Jane Fonda Kerry.

Show up at a tea party gathering.

Hold a dollar bill up to the light and say, "look, it says it right there, 'In God We Trust'. "

Ask them if Ted Kennedy earmarked any stimulus money to widen the Chappaquiddick Bridge.

Keep referring to Obama as the "affirmative action President."

Point out that even Karl Marx didn't envision socialized medicine.