Mile High Threeway!

For the first time in his life, former President Bill Clinton has more than a 50% approval rating, following the release of two Asian-American journalists, detained for nearly five months in North Korea.

Laura Ling, 32, and Euna Lee, 36, were pardoned by North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il after Clinton agreed to show him nude photos of his wife, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Mr. Clinton boarded a plane, photos in hand, and headed for North Korea late Monday. A two-hour dinner celebration, featuring a humorous slide show of the naked SOS, was held to honor the visiting Clinton. The Korean Central News Agency broadcast the event on live television, allowing millions of North Koreans the opportunity to laugh at Mrs. Clinton's pair shaped physique and the size of her cankles. KCNA reporters commented that even Korean men don't have that much body hair.

Immediately following the dinner, Clinton returned to the United States, along with Ling and Lee. As Clinton departed the plane, after it landed at Bob Hope Airport in Burbank early Wednesday, he briefly spoke to reporters. "The release was agreed to before I went to North Korea, but President Obama privately asked me to go anyway thinking this might help his dismal poll numbers. I said hell yes, because I know that when I'm at 15,000 feet over the Pacific, there is no chance that Hillary is going to walk in on me."

When asked what he discussed with Ling and Lee, during the long flight from North Korea to California, Clinton coyly replied, "there wasn't much talkin', we got right down to business. I told them a ménage à trois was the price of the plane ticket before we ever took off. They chose that over twelve years of hard labor. I still got it! I hadn't had an Asian girl since I was in the White House - today I had two. Move over Ron Jeremy!"


Hillary Clinton spoke from Washington on her husband's role in freeing the two women. Mrs. Clinton was surprised at the news, "That asshole told me he was going to Pyongyang for the Kim Jong Il Celebrity Golf Tournament - a fund raiser for communism. A ménage à trois? We promised each other no more threesomes after the Vince Foster controversy. We did bend the rules a little bit with Janet Reno, but only because it was his birthday and I was allowed to participate."

Former Vice President Al Gore, the founder of CurrentTV, which Ling and Lee were reporting for when they were captured, spoke on behalf of the families saying "they wish to thank me for sending the girls to North Korea in the first place." Reading from a prepared statement, Gore repeatedly mentioned, "The families also understand that the five month detainment of Laura and Euna is further proof that made-made climate change is real and irreversible. We must act now!" Gore added that he had "bonded" with the families after learning of the three-way sexcapade, explaining that two of his own daughters, Karenna and Kristin, had given Mr. Clinton "double the pleasure" at his Harlem office in 2002.

In an email sent from the lock-down ward of an undisclosed psychiatric hospital, former Second Lady Mary 'Tipper' Gore was not at all impressed by the news of a "ménage à trois, noting that she was "gang banged" by the heavy-metal band Black Sabbath and about a dozen roadies in 1984. Mrs. Gore reflected that guitarist Tony Iommi kept saying "tip her, tip her", and that's how she got her nickname.

From his hammock in Plains, Georgia, former President Jimmy Carter spoke by phone to reporters as he drank a sugar-free Red Bull. Carter expressed relief that he was no longer the only former President sticking his nose into foreign affairs. Asked for a response to the tag-team that Ling and Lee performed on Mr. Clinton, Carter chuckled as he reminisced about how he and Rosalynn had lured a migrant peanut picker to their bedroom earlier in the morning.

At the White House morning press conference, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs stated that President Obama and the First Lady recently had a three way Hawaiian Senator Daniel Inouye, who is of Japanese descent. According to Gibbs, "the Obamas plan to do some swinging and swapping with Senator Inouye and his wife Irene, once the Senate reconvenes in September. " Gibbs abruptly called an end to the meeting when reporter Helen Thomas began a segue into the time she slept with Lady Bird Johnson and Barbara Walters.